I mean business

Honestly? I am having a hard time. Being back only confirms the fact that this is not my home. I love my friends and family, but I have never felt so far away in my life.

I unfortunately have returned to Utah. My visa has expired and bank account runs on empty. I have hopelessly been searching for a job in the states, applying for anything and everything that will hire me as soon as possible. I feel ridiculous running around in a business suit. No one does that here, why?

I found a school in Shinjuku where I will be able to learn and practice Japanese. School starts on January 8th, and I plan to be back, moved in, and comfortable by then. It won't long. Oh how I am counting the days...

I noticed I have become a complete minimalist, boxing up and throwing out everything I have not worn or used in the past 6 months, even tossing (or giving) away silly things such as unused batteries or mechanical pencils. A few days ago, I cleaned out my closet, something I loved to fill with that "I have nothing to wear tonight so I must buy something" weekend outfit or the favorite summer skirt that I loved so much but wore once. What a revitalizing feeling! Once a pack rat, now I look forward to de-junking and letting go of (or holding on to) old memories, good and bad.

It's been hard to let go of that small taste of life which I want to devour. I don't hear the extreme politeness of the convenience store clerk, or the loud jabbers of the people in the subway stations. I know things are so different yet such the same, but I want to FEEL it too. I guess I'll just have to wait.. things happen for a reason, and it only makes us stronger.